What Happens When Men Are the Targets
What Happens When Men Are the Targets
When we talk about narcissistic abuse, the focus usually lands on women. And that makes sense. Women experience it at staggering rates. But there is a part of the conversation that is still missing. Men are victims, too.
Not occasionally. Not in rare or extreme cases. Every day, in homes and relationships and courtrooms, men are being emotionally and psychologically abused. And most of them are suffering in silence.
As a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, I have worked with male targets who didn’t even realize that what they were experiencing had a name. Some had never told a soul. Others tried to speak up but were met with disbelief or mockery. Almost all of them carried shame.
They were told to be tough. Logical. Unshakeable. They were conditioned to protect, not to be protected. So when they found themselves being gaslit, manipulated, isolated, or emotionally tormented by a narcissistic partner, they didn’t know what to call it. And worse, they didn’t think anyone would believe them.
But narcissistic abuse doesn’t care about gender. It’s not about bruises or broken furniture. It’s about control, power, confusion, and psychological harm.
I once worked with a man whose wife slowly cut him off from everyone he cared about. She controlled their finances, criticized his parenting, and twisted every conversation until he was apologizing for things he hadn’t done. He told me, “I started to believe I was the problem.”
That is the nature of narcissistic abuse. It strips you of clarity. It thrives in confusion. It isolates you. And when the world refuses to validate your pain, the isolation becomes unbearable.
And it doesn’t always end when the relationship ends. Many fathers who co-parent with narcissistic exes face continued abuse through the children. They are painted as unstable, selfish, or absent. One father I worked with was consistently sabotaged. His ex made plans for the kids during his custody days, then told them he didn’t want to see them. Meanwhile, he was fighting for shared parenting time in court. That kind of manipulation is not just cruel. It is abuse. And it hurts the kids, too.
Here is the hard truth. Most male targets don’t know where to turn. There are countless resources for women. Rightfully so. But men are often left out of the conversation entirely. They are told to man up. Told they must have done something to deserve it. Told they should just move on.
But surviving abuse is not about toughness. It is about survival. Emotional, psychological, and often legal.
If you are a man and any of this sounds familiar, I want you to hear this clearly. You are not overreacting. You are not imagining it. You are not weak.
You are a target. And you deserve support.
You deserve tools that work. You deserve to feel safe again. You deserve to rebuild your sense of self. And you deserve to be free.
I have seen men walk through the fire of narcissistic abuse and come out the other side steadier, stronger, and clearer than they ever thought possible. Healing is available.
And you do not have to do it alone.
Sending you strength, light, and love,
Esther Moreno, M.S.
thrive@wilysurvivor.com. www.wilysurvivor.com